Kita teman .. dan tidak mesra!!

No Love .. No lust .. Just learning each other . 

Especially, i learn a lot from him. He teach me how to have brain like him.

he is clever, smart, genius, intelligent, educated, and always make me envy because he knows everything. Same in one Majoring International Relation, same in the class and always one team in discussion or presentation. But i got my bachelor degree first than him. hahaha

same hate politic in our country, same have dream touch down outside Indonesia for get some experience in overseas. But damn, he leaves this hell first than me.

Yup, he is Fahad Alamri, my best friend in university. 

Universitas Nasional Tepatnya.

  

Now, what you think when you see us??

I trust GOD love me

I know, that God never sleep. So why i must scared of something? God always stay near me. he knows everything in me and he will never leave me.
When i pray and god does not answer quickly, i trust that delay does not meant denied. So, dont worry. God is always willing to help me. He never leaves me no matter how bad i am. It meant that i must keep smilling and always trust God love me

I dont like who i am

Sometimes, i hate being me...

No one really knows me...

I dont like who i am...

I dont care what you think about me. I dont think about you at all. I pretend that i am happy everyday, I feel alone all the time. I touch the stars with my mind. I worry when i dont think im good enough. I cry when i am confused,. frustased, and .. desperated. I am shy and courageous.

Time changes people include me. So this is my life, and i want you to know that i am both "happy and sad". But i am still trying to figure out how that could be. I am tired of people who judge me without knowing my history .. my problems .. 

Now i wonder, what you think when you see me ??

I have 5 Fingers for a reason ...

Thumb: To show the world, im gonna be okay

Index finger: To pick out my dearest family members

Middle finger: For those bitches who push me too far

Ring finger: For that special guy when the time is right

Little finger: For my best friends and the promises i will never break

66th Indonesia's independence day but Im not sure that i already enjoy the indepence,

Independence day reminds me how alone i am. Because My dad's Rules:

1. Dad always right

2. Just in case dad is wrong, see rule number 1

Im 24 years old. I have finished my bachelor degree. Although have not a good job yet, i already get my job and i have my own money. But i has not happy yet. Am i enjoyed the indepence? I have an over protective father with his rules. He never allowed what i want. Am i happy ? No. Im not happy. I feel like a bird without wings. Always follow what he asked. If not, he will be angry. Too angry. and maybe he will kill me. DAMN, i often lie if i want hang out with my friends at nite and must go home before 12 o'clock!! Did you know when he call me and my phone ringging ? my heart beat so fast, feel like he ready for killing me softly. It's not good for my self. Im afraid with my own father.

How about my mom? oh damn, she is a great mother. She knows that her little girl in process grow up to be a woman. She knows that i am a lil bit naughty, but not a bad girl. Sure of course absolutely that i am a good girl. I never lie to her. i always permition to her if i want go out. although that i go to the club, hang out with friends at midnite, late go home, meet someone new, etc i always told her. Because i dont want make her worried. I trust that she always pray for me and she really trust that i can take care of my self. So, i will not broke her trust. I love my mom like she always me. It mean, my independence day is when my father not at home.

Dear dad, please trust me. U know that you will not see me crying because im hiding inside. My heart is in pain but i always smiling for you. Dont you want looks i am happy, do you? when will i get my freedom? please give my freedom and i swear i will keep it inside my heart. (i hope my father read it)