66th Indonesia's independence day but Im not sure that i already enjoy the indepence,

Independence day reminds me how alone i am. Because My dad's Rules:

1. Dad always right

2. Just in case dad is wrong, see rule number 1

Im 24 years old. I have finished my bachelor degree. Although have not a good job yet, i already get my job and i have my own money. But i has not happy yet. Am i enjoyed the indepence? I have an over protective father with his rules. He never allowed what i want. Am i happy ? No. Im not happy. I feel like a bird without wings. Always follow what he asked. If not, he will be angry. Too angry. and maybe he will kill me. DAMN, i often lie if i want hang out with my friends at nite and must go home before 12 o'clock!! Did you know when he call me and my phone ringging ? my heart beat so fast, feel like he ready for killing me softly. It's not good for my self. Im afraid with my own father.

How about my mom? oh damn, she is a great mother. She knows that her little girl in process grow up to be a woman. She knows that i am a lil bit naughty, but not a bad girl. Sure of course absolutely that i am a good girl. I never lie to her. i always permition to her if i want go out. although that i go to the club, hang out with friends at midnite, late go home, meet someone new, etc i always told her. Because i dont want make her worried. I trust that she always pray for me and she really trust that i can take care of my self. So, i will not broke her trust. I love my mom like she always me. It mean, my independence day is when my father not at home.

Dear dad, please trust me. U know that you will not see me crying because im hiding inside. My heart is in pain but i always smiling for you. Dont you want looks i am happy, do you? when will i get my freedom? please give my freedom and i swear i will keep it inside my heart. (i hope my father read it)

sakitku cinta aku benci !!!

Setiap aku menutup mata, rasanya aku ingin membunuhmu.
Setiap tidur pun, mimpiku selalu ingin membunuhmu.

Rasanya seperti selembar selaput yang sangaaaat tipis. Perbedaan antara rasa cinta dan kebencian yang kumiliki.

Bangganya kamu dengan segala yang telah kamu dapatkan. Sombong sekali kamu. Merasa bahwa cinta saya adalah kelemahan saya. Karena cinta saya tidak akan kemana-mana. karena kamu yakin cinta saya akan dapat mengendalikan saya.

Hahaha.. saya tertawa diiringi tetes air mata yang selama ini terpendam karena kebodohan dan ketololan saya.
Cinta saya dan benci saya sekarang menjadi satu.

Setiap saat ingin rasanya saya benturkan kepala kamu agar pikiranmu dapat menjadi normal seperti layaknya laki-laki normal.
Sangat ingin rasanya saya keluarkan lalu saya bersihkan isi perutmu karena kebahagiaan yang selalu kamu dapatkan dan kamu nikmatin serta kamu telan sendiri.
Sangat aku menginginkan mengambil matamu, saya bersihkan dari pandangan kotor, sinis yang menjijikan, aku bencii!!!
Saya ingin telingamu, saya buang semua isi kotoran agar kamu dapat mendengar dengan jelas rintihan hati yg kering karena haus akan yg namanya perhatian. karena ragaku sudah sangat lemah untuk memohon, mengemis setitik perhatian dari seorang terkasih.

Rasanya ingin aku kurung kamu didalam air yang sangat dingin , supaya kamu tau rasanya saat saya sendiri, saat saya kembali lagi sendiri , dan tetap bertahan sendiri. Rasanya sangat dingiiin dan menusuk hingga air mataku pun ikut membeku.

Saya selalu bermimpi tentang hal itu,

selalu ...

sebelum saatnya kamu benar2 sadar akan janji yang tidak pernah kamu tepati.

Janji sialan yang akhirnya menjadi sumpah serapah yang tertanam dalam hati.
Hingga tumbuh caci maki terhadap saya.

yang akhirnya...

Menimbun saya dalam kebencian dibalik rasa sayang yang berlebihan.

dan akhirnya,.. mengembalikan saya pada kenyataan

Saya cinta tapi sangat sakiiiit di hati .
karena ...
Rasa cintaku terlalu besar untuk aku membenci seorang kamu yang aku benciii !!!

Attention !!

Dear all,

If you only want to be my friend just when you need something then you leave me when you dont need something,.
better you leave me now, because I dont need friend like you.

Thank you for your kind attention.

Dear ayah ,

I may love a lot of man in my life.
Someday in the future, i'll get married to someone out there, but in the end let me remind you that no matter what happen, you will always be the best guy for me.

If someday i meet a prince and get married with him, u always be my king
I love you till forever ends

Happy Valentine

When i saw you i liked you

When i liked you i loved you

When I loved you i lost you

1 universe .. 8 planets .. 204 countries .. 809 islands .. 7 seas .. 6 billion people .. and im still single

it because ..  until now ..

I still love you without knowing how, why, or even from where

When i say i miss you .. it mean i love you enough to want you here with me again!!